Textual errors, things that sound weird, etc

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Textual errors, things that sound weird, etc

Postby Darkelru » Tue Sep 03, 2013 1:57 pm

I'm going to go through the game a couple times with different sexes and post here the bugs/typos and anything that looks weird or could be grammatically fixed to sound better.

April's brow furrows. What's she letting herself in for? - Is this meant to say what is she getting herself into? Or is it meant as a reactionary comment to what the player is doing?
On the male version as well, Allen's brow furrows. What's he letting himself in for?

Have I passed the point of no return, April wonders? Would I even know? She backs away from her, eyes wide. - In this particular sentence who is April backing away from? It should be Jade.

On the laboratory screen it says Her perky breasts are slightly elongated into the merest hint of a teardrop. This would make more sense if it said the name.

For a moment, she regards Allen with reptilian stillness. Is she even breathing? Allen shrinks away. - This should say the players name, otherwise it sounds very awkward.

In the male version of the laboratory it should say the name has a 6 inch cock.

Tammy's suckles Jade's ampallang piercing with unmistakable hunger. Doesn't need the apostrophe 's'

Indecisive should be before intrigued in the seduction levels.

This is what I've noticed so far I'll update with more as I go through. It would be helpful if I had access to more of the game but I understand.
Darkelru
 
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Re: Textual errors, things that sound weird, etc

Postby jackoekaki » Wed Sep 04, 2013 10:12 am

Darkelru wrote:April's brow furrows. What's she letting herself in for? - Is this meant to say what is she getting herself into? Or is it meant as a reactionary comment to what the player is doing?
On the male version as well, Allen's brow furrows. What's he letting himself in for?


Yes.

Darkelru wrote:Have I passed the point of no return, April wonders? Would I even know? She backs away from her, eyes wide. - In this particular sentence who is April backing away from? It should be Jade.
On the laboratory screen it says Her perky breasts are slightly elongated into the merest hint of a teardrop. This would make more sense if it said the name.
For a moment, she regards Allen with reptilian stillness. Is she even breathing? Allen shrinks away. - This should say the players name, otherwise it sounds very awkward.
In the male version of the laboratory it should say the name has a 6 inch cock.


So basically you're saying I should always use a name instead of pronouns? That would sound very stilted. Ideally I'd like to use the name at the start of the paragraph, then pronouns, and only restate the name when the grammatical subject changes, but it'll take some extra tech work to achieve that since Fleshcult picks text to use sentence-by-sentence rather than paragraph-by-paragraph.

Darkelru wrote:Indecisive should be before intrigued in the seduction levels.


I imagine the character intrigued, but then struck by last minute indecision. I guess I could replace 'intrigued -> indecisive' with 'indecisive -> hesitant'.


Darkelru wrote:Tammy's suckles Jade's ampallang piercing with unmistakable hunger. Doesn't need the apostrophe 's'


Aha, this IS a bug! Fixed in the next release.
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Re: Textual errors, things that sound weird, etc

Postby Darkelru » Wed Sep 04, 2013 10:44 pm

I'm not sure if it's a bug but when in your laboratory and going through the list of things that can be added to beasts/concubines most things are in a list and you can choose the furthest one down but for some reason cock sizes only go from petite to 6 inch, you have to choose 6 inch and then choose again wasting some turns if you have enough to queue up more.
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